Child Abuse Domestic Violence Link

Hello Fellow Recreators,

Today I agreed to speak to 2 college classes about domestic violence. Why domestic violence when my focus is child abuse. Because there is a direct link between the two. I didn't realize what a setup being incested was for finding a relationship partner who was abusive. In fact, I married two abusive men before I caught on.

I was in my recovery program and did my therapy before I figured this part of my life out. At the time it knocked me up the side of the head, I was counseling a woman who was in an abusive marriage. I wanted to find something for her to read to help her make sense of what was going on. Patricia Evans just published her book The Verbally Abusive Relationship. http://www.patriciaevans.com/

Before I gave my client the book to read, I read it! It was a real eye opener to both my marriages. While things bordered on physical abuse in both marriages, clearly verbal abuse was a part of both. At this point I asked myself why I stuck around so long. My answer: I knew how to be a victim.

When I started teaching about domestic violence to counselors and college students, I found there is a strong link between being abused as a child, especially sexually abused, and being a victim of domestic violence. If you have questions about your relationship, put it on the blog. We can all help each other stop abuse in our lives and carry the message to others to stop abuse in their lives.

Until next time,

Peace and joy,
Doc Deb

Edutrainer, Speaker, Transformational Journaling Mentor

P.S. Watch for a special announcement next week

P.P.S. Learn how to do Transformational Journaling

Every 40 seconds a child is abused in the U.S.

“Children are our greatest natural resource. Every child has the right to grow up and reach his or her greatest potential.” Claire R. Reeves
President/Founder/Chief Executive Officer, Mothers Against Sexual Abuse, MASA

I started my recovery from incest 24 years ago. Step-by-step I’ve revealed my pain and shame. It’s taken me 24 years to speak out in public to total strangers about my life experience. The pain and shame of being sexually abused, not believed, and the power and control of my father—my abuser contributed to my silence.

My silence was a burden I never asked for, I never deserved. It is this burden that abusers count on. When members of our society turn their heads, miss the signs, and live in ignorance, abusers are allowed to continue their perpetration of sexual abuse unchecked. Instead of holding perpetrators accountable, innocent children suffer in silence. Those innocent children grow up to be part of the 39 million adults in this country alone who carry the burden of being abused as children.

Those 39 million adults are impacted with

· Mental health issues

· Physical health issues

· Economic issues

· Relationship issues

· Criminal issues

· Employment issues

· Social issues

· Substance abuse issues

· Family violence issues

· Multigenerational transmission of abuse

· Education issues

Child abuse impacts everyone and crosses the entire fabric of society. Child abuse is a major social problem that requires a much stronger approach to prevention. An approach we must place at the head of the agenda for turning our society around and saving children from torture, soul murder, and neglect.

As a society, we have developed numerous programs to address child abuse. These are programs and services to intervene with perpetrators and treat victims. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don’t.

Prevention programs attempt to educate the public about the impacts and effects of child abuse. However, they struggle for funding and their resources are spread too thin.

Recently, our governor called on the people of our state to increase exercise and reduce obesity in our state. He referred to obesity and the physical health effects reaching epidemic proportions in this country. I agree we have an extremely serious problem with obesity. However, Felliti & Anda, et. al., (1998) found that adults would stop weight loss programs when they started to feel unprotected with their weight loss. These researchers assessed the patients in the program to find out why they stopped losing weight.

What they discovered may astound you. Of the 17,337, patients assessed they discovered the following per cent for each category experienced a history of the following adverse childhood events (ACE)

ACE Category* Per cent

Abuse

Emotional Abuse 10.6

Physical Abuse 28.3

Sexual Abuse 20.7

Neglect

Emotional Neglect1 14.8

Physical Neglect1 9.9

Household Dysfunction

Mother Treated Violently 12.7

Household Substance Abuse 26.9

Household Mental Illness 19.4

Parental Separation or Divorce 23.3

Incarcerated Household Member 4.7

These ACE factors pointed to the following chronic health problems in the study group

alcoholism and alcohol abuse chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) depression fetal death health-related quality of life illicit drug use ischemic heart disease (IHD)

liver disease risk for intimate partner violence multiple sexual partners sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) smoking suicide attempts unintended pregnancies

The long-term impacts of child abuse are in our faces daily. They affect us economically, socially, physically, and across all areas of life. Stereotypically, we put all child abuse victims in “at-risk”, low-income families even when research does not bear this out. For example, my father was a children’s dentist. I attended college and eventually received a doctorate. I married and had a family. I, also, contributed to the divorce rate twice and married three times. My third husband is a keeper…

Am I unusual? No. I treated many middle income and above sexual abuse survivors as a professional counselor. I talk with men and women daily who never felt safe to reveal the sexual abuse in their childhood until they were in their 30s, 40s, or even later. They never saw their abusers brought to justice either criminally or civilly. Many have little or no contact with their nuclear family. They end up creating their family with their spouse, children, and safe friends.

So, I ask you today…

How much longer are you willing to put child abuse on the back burner?

What does it take for our society to address the multitude of impacts of child abuse on our citizens?

I ask you to stand with me today and say now, now is the time to bring child abuse to the front burner of our state and national agenda.

Debra Wingfield, Ed.D., edutrainer, speaker, author

Transformational Journaling for Recovering Souls: 15 Guided Techniques to Recreate your Life

Order here

Transformational Journaling Tip-February, 2008

Hello Fellow soul Transformers,

How are you doing with your commitment to
transform your soul and re-create your life in 2008?

February in the U.S. is a time to reflect on leadership.
Today is the day we celebrate the birthdays of our Presidents.
Presidents have an awesome responsibility to lead a nation.
You are responsible for leading your life of choice.

Your transformational journaling process is the key to
developing your own life leadership.
Where are you leading your life over this next month?
Your focus point for February is:

I lead my life of choice when I transform my soul by.....

Please feel free to share or comment on my new blog



Until next month,

Peace and light,
DocDeb

P.S. I would love to hear your questions or leave a comment as
you transform your soul and re-create your life of choice.

Transformational Journaling for Healing Souls-Part V

Hello Fellow Re-creators,

You have implemented the techniques of Transformational Journaling for Healing Souls to re-create your inner self, your outer self, and your self in relationships. In Stage IV, you bring your healing into your family and parenting relationships. This is an exciting part of your soul recovery journey. You have come full circle in healing your whole person.

In Stage IV, you implement the skills and attitudes acquired and practiced in the first three stages to one of the most stressful relationship areas in your life. Your family patterns were established very early in life. Now, you choose how to modify them in line with the new person you have become. You understand the emotional tugs by family members to keep your behavior and actions predictable. As you gain confidence and competence in your new choices, you experience your family members accepting your changes. You have re-created your life based on your choices.

Pause to enjoy the freedom of being your own person.

Next time, I will focus on the steps to follow....

May peace and contentment fill your heart,
Doc Deb

Author, Speaker, Transformational Journaling Edutrainer

Transformational Journaling for Recovering Souls: 15 Guided Techniques to Recreate your Life

Order here

Transformational Journaling for Healing Souls--Part IV

Hello,

Healing souls often want to escape from the stress of families and relationships especially around life cycle family events and holidays. Healing in relationships provides opportunities to practice healing with family members before you actually go to family gatherings.

The healing that occurs at Stage III focuses on healing in relationships. Many of us are shy about getting into relationships. Trust is a big issue, and we want to test the waters for a long time. Use the techniques learned and implemented in Stages I and II to heal your relationship concerns. Move yourself forward to be a re-creator with communication techniques, healthy relationship skills, and establish safe boundaries to help you stay in the present moment. Enjoy the experience of a re-created healthy relationship.

My next post covers Stage IV in the Transformational Journaling for Healing Souls program. This stage focuses on family/parenting.

Until then...peace be with you,
Doc Deb

Author:

Transformational Journaling for Recovering Souls: 15 Guided Techniques to Recreate your Life

Order here

Transformational Journaling for Healing Souls--Part III

Hello on this sunny Colorado afternoon,

While winter is still with us, it's time to move forward and take the next step to transforming your life and re-creating your soul.

The transformation that occurs at Stage III focuses on transformation in relationships. Many of us are shy about getting into relationships. Trust is a big issue, and we want to test the waters for a long time. Use the techniques learned and implemented in Stages I and II to heal your relationship concerns. Move yourself forward to be a re-creator with communication techniques, healthy relationship skills, and establish safe boundaries to help you stay in the present moment. Enjoy the experience of a re-created healthy relationship.

My next post covers Stage IV in the Transformational Journaling for Healing Souls program. This stage focuses on family/parenting.

Until then...peace be with you,
Doc Deb

Author:

Transformational Journaling for Recovering Souls: 15 Guided Techniques to Recreate your Life

Order here

Transformational Journaling for Healing Souls--Part II

Transformational Journaling for Healing Souls--Part II
There are four stages of healing in the Transformational Journaling for Healing Souls (TJ for HS) process.

Stage 1 = Past trauma healing for recovering souls
Stage 2 = Current issues healing for recovered souls
Stage 3 = Couple/relationship healing for recovered souls
Stage 4 = Parent/family healing for recovered souls

Today, let's focus on Stage 1. Healing past trauma for recovering souls is an individual journey. During this stage, you are learning to understand the trauma experience and how it impacted you. This is the place where you take a step back to see how you responded to the trauma experience. Then, you learn to place the trauma experience in perspective to re-create your life of choice from this point forward.

During Stage 1, you are healing the emotional and physical wounds that keep you from being your true self. You are learning to trust yourself and your feelings to guide you to take responsibility for creating the rest of your life. You are stepping beyond the trauma to a life of your choice. As you complete this portion of your journey, you are preparing yourself to be in charge of your life as it occurs day to day.

Next, we will look at Stage 2. This is the stage where you apply the skills you learned in Stage 1 to your present-day life.

Until then,

Have a peaceful day,
Doc Deb

Author, Transformational Journaling Mentor

Pre-launch: Transformational Journaling for Recovering Souls

Hello from beautiful Colordao,

Excitement is mounting as I near completion of my revised book "Transformational Journaling for Recovering Souls: 15 Techniques to Re-Create Your Life" available on line as an eBook. This is the first book in a series of 4 focused on Transformational Journaling for Healing Souls (TM)
(TJ for HS). You're probably asking what is TJ for HS. In my past work as a counselor, I developed a program for my clients who were healing from abusive childhoods and dysfunctional families. Now, I am re-creating that program as an online healing option for adults from abusive and dysfunctional families. Here is a little bit about TJ for RS.

Transformational Journaling for Healing Souls (TM) stems from understanding that patterns learned and established in the past continue to repeat themselves in present relationships and families. When these patterns are dysfunctional, they affect the healthy development of the individual, relationships, and family. Through the Tranformational Journaling for Healing Souls (TM) process, you learn to change dysfunctional patterns and make conscious choices for healthy living.

There are four levels involved in healing. I'll share those with you tomorrow.

Peace and joy for today,
Doc Deb

Author, Speaker, Transformational Journaling Edutrainer

Transformational Journaling Benefits

A friend recently said "I don't know much about journaling". How does it help in recovery? Many people in recovery run the same thoughts through their head over and over again attempting to figure out how to change their behavior. They keep getting the same answers they've always gotten. Journaling helps to get those repeated thoughts out of your head and down on paper where you can see them. This releases the thoughts so you can come back to them later. What often happens is there is now room to allow new information in to consider. While this is happening, new options are made known to you to recover your soul and re-create your life.

This is just one of the many benefits of journaling. I will continue to offer more ideas as this blog develops. Please feel free to send in your recovery related questions and comments related to child abuse, addictions, family violence, and other recovery areas.

Peaceful day,

Doc Deb

Author, Speaker, Transformational Journaling Edutrainer